Assessing Readiness for Relationship Coaching

By Lisa G. Kramer MSW, PCC

Couples who are good candidates for relationship coaching want to enhance their relationship by focusing on particular areas such as communication, parenting, romance and sexual intimacy, transitions such as ‘the empty nest’, finances, and work/life balance. Ideally, the relationship has a solid foundation based on love, mutual respect, trust and commitment.

When a couple contacts me to inquire about relationship coaching services, the first question I ask is, “what prompted the call?” I then listen for whether the couple is ready for coaching. Coaching readiness includes the following indicators:

•     Motivation: Couples who are ready for coaching have a sense of what they want (even if they are not yet crystal clear), are motivated to achieve their relationship goals, and are optimistic that they can achieve their goals with assistance from an outside professional.

•    Focus on Strengths: While they may be in the midst of a challenging time in their relationship, couples who are ready for coaching recognize the strengths in their relationship. They are also able to see the challenge as an opportunity to learn, to grow and to deepen the intimacy in the relationship.

•    Responsibility: Both partners accept responsibility for their part in making changes in the relationship. They do not blame each other for what is taking place, and they recognize that they each are responsible for creating a stronger, more satisfying relationship.

•    Openness to Listening and to Being Coached: Couples who are ready for coaching are open to truly listening to each other, and to granting full permission to their coach to engage them in a coaching relationship.

•    Desire to Move Forward: Couples who are ready for coaching are not holding onto disappointments or frustrations from the past. They are eager to create a vision for their relationship and to actively move forward to make the vision a reality.

In addition to listening for the presence of some or all of these indicators, I may also request that each partner complete a brief assessment* that I have developed to determine coaching readiness.

And I allow my intuition to guide me in determining the goodness-of-fit between me and the couple. There are times when a red flag** serves to warn me that this couple may be better served by a therapist. On other occasions, I may refer them to another professional who specializes in the area they wish to address such as a financial planner or parent educator.

The Couple - Martin and Diane

Martin, age 45, works as an investment banker. Diane, also 45, is a full-time homemaker. They have been married for 20 years, and they recently became ‘emptynesters’ when their son left for college away from home.

Recently Diane decided to pursue a life long dream of working in an art gallery. Martin is not at all happy about this. He has viewed Diane as his sounding board, confidant, traveling companion and social organizer throughout their marriage. He is worried that her work will take time away from him and what he has been accustomed to in their relationship. In addition, Martin believes that he has given Diane everything she could possibly want, and he doesn’t understand why she would need to look outside the home. While Diane whole-heartedly agrees she has been well provided for, she feels somewhat stifled by her current life and wants a different type of self expression.

Martin and Diane have decided to seek professional help to address this conflict in their relationship. They recognize that they have never learned effective ways to communicate with each other when there is a conflict. The magnitude of the issue they are now confronting has led them to seek professional help.

The question – Are Martin and Diane ready for coaching?

The Coach’s Response

This couple is clearly confronting a challenging time in their relationship. They are in the midst of transition with their only child away at college and with Diane’s desire to pursue a lifelong professional dream. Coaching can be the ideal vehicle to assist them in moving forward. Through coaching, Diane and Martin can clarify what they want in this stage of their lives, personally and in partnership with one another. They can also learn new ways to communicate, particularly around areas of conflict.

Lisa Kramer MSW, PCC, is a professional coach, coach trainer, author and speaker. Lisa is passionate about assisting coaches, psychotherapists, counselors and spiritual leaders in their professional development .She is the author of Coaching with Intention and Loving with Intention: A Guide for Relationship Coaching. Lisa is on the faculty of the Institute for Life Coach Training where she trains professionals to become coaches. For more information, contact Lisa at Lisa@livingwithintention.com or visit: www.livingwithintention.com and www.lovingwithintention.com

 

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