Pursuing a Passionate Life after 50: One Couple's Perspective

By Lisa G. Kramer MSW, PCC (with Eric Kramer MEd)

In her book Sex and the Seasoned Woman (2006), Gail Sheehy writes that pursuing a passionate life means having the confidence to “follow your bliss” in the second half of life. For women, this might mean becoming selfish in the best sense of the word now that the challenging years of caring for children and managing a household are behind her. It’s a time to step back and ask themselves the question, “What do I want at this time in my life?” For men, it might involve making a long awaited career change or pursuing a dream that was put on hold while family responsibilities took priority. For both men and women, the 50’s are a time of possibility and newfound freedom to explore and discover what passion really means for them. 

The topic of ‘a passionate life’ is timely for us as we have recently become ‘empty-nesters’. After 23 years of marriage and 21 years of raising two sons, we are excited to re-design our relationship as we move into a new phase in our lives. 

What does it mean to pursue a passionate life as a couple?

Perhaps the first thought that enters your mind is the ‘S’ word…SEX!

Even though sex is an important aspect of a love relationship, we are finding that a passionate life encompasses much more than just sex. 

We are finding this time of exploration to be a lot of fun! One aspect that makes it fun is being open to try new things. During the summer we began training for a 75-mile ride to the New Jersey shore this fall. This goal has many dimensions. It is a fund-raiser to eradicate a crippling disease that affects many Americans; it is a chance to get great exercise (and then indulge in great eating); it is also a time to be together. At least three mornings a week, we are up at six and on our bikes by 6:30 for a 20 mile training ride. We not only reap the benefit of a good workout before starting our day, we also experience the beauty of watching the sun rise over the river as we wind our way down the Schuykill River trail outside of Philadelphia.

We are also exploring a new place to live. We recently sold the house we lived in for the past 23 years and are considering a move to an ‘active adult’ community. At first we dismissed this idea, thinking “we are too young for that kind of lifestyle!” However the more we look around at some of the beautiful new properties that are being developed in our area, the more excited we become! We envision meeting new people and cultivating friendships with other couples in a similar stage of life. In addition, the convenience of having a range of services like a fitness center, indoor/outdoor pool and lovely walking trails right in our backyard is very appealing to us!

Professionally, we are both having fun in our respective businesses. For the past six years I have been self-employed as a life and relationship coach. Eric recently began a new entrepreneurial venture (www.winthview.com) that has tremendous potential for changing the way people interview for jobs.  Our work is stimulating and exciting, and we bring that energy into our relationship with each other. 

In considering the question ‘What does it mean to live a passionate life’, we decided to ask some friends who are also over 50. The initial response we heard from several friends was “I’ve never really thought about it”. As we dug a little deeper, here are some of the responses we got:


Newfound freedom to do the things I didn’t make the time to do when my children were living at home. This includes pursuing a hobby; taking a class; spending more time together as a couple


Becoming #1 again. I always put my children’s needs ahead of my own. Now I get to think of myself first.


Financial maturity. I no longer feel like I have to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. I am at a place where I accept where I am financially and live comfortably within my means. That feels very liberating!


Finding my voice. In my 30’s and 40’s I didn’t trust my inner voice. With maturity and life experience, I am no longer afraid to say and do what I truly believe!


Being courageous! It takes courage to ask yourself ‘what do I truly want for myself’ and then go for it! It’s easier sometimes to sit back and let life happen, even if I know I could have a more fulfilling life.


In reflecting on our friends’ responses and our own, we recognize that pursuing a passion life as a couple is both an individual and relationship process. There is that delicate balance between personal growth and growing with another person. Simply being aware that we are growing and moving forward in our lives makes a huge difference.

For the reader:
Take a moment to reflect on the different aspects of your life such as your work, your relationship with your partner, your friendships, etc. Where are you already experiencing passion and where might you develop more of it?  If you find yourself responding in a similar way to our friends (“I’ve never really thought about it”), take some time to just sit with the question and see what pops!

We’d love to hear your responses!

For more information about relationship coaching, visit www.lovingwithintention.com 


Lisa Kramer, MSW, PCC, is the president of Living with Intention LLC. Lisa’s ideal clients are mid-life couples who recognize that they have been functioning on auto-pilot for far too long and view coaching as a vehicle for transforming their lives and their relationships. Since 2003, she has been on the faculty of the Institute for Life Coach Training. Lisa is the author of Loving with Intention: A Guide for Relationship Coaching, which has been read by coaches all around the world.

 

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